After reading my friend's blog, I decided to create this entry, purposely to share about my experience bringing up my lil boy, Zaim. But mainly I will talk about my breastfeed experience. Yeah, I am one of the mommy who failed to BF my baby until he reached 2 years old. Sad? Of course I am. But, every time I felt sad and regret thinking bout it, I will then switch my mind to recall those factors that made me failed, which I believe Allah had decided it for me.
Since we were attending antenatal class in Hospital Pusrawi, KL, i had set my mind to BF my baby. I learned a lot of knowledge and guide from the nurses. I am proud with Pusrawi since they really support BF eventho it is a private hospital. When Zaim was born, I first start to BF him in labour room, about an hour he was out from my belly. The feeling, I cant describe with words. I still remember how his mouth struggling to find my nipple. ;) He looks so hungry. ;) And when he got it, he just knew how to suck it. And I can feel the milk flows out.
While we were in hospitals, during the day, mommies will need to BF their babies at breastfeeds room. Here, the nurses will help us how to BF babies correctly. Position and all. Too bad at that time Zaim prefer to sleep than drink. I had tickle him everywhere but he just don't want to wake up. I always return back to room sadly and feel a bit frustrated. And yeah, the milk started to produce like mad and the baby refuse to clear it up. So, with nurse's advice, she suggest me to pump my milk and store it in hospital. She will give it to Zaim when Zaim wants it. So I mostly spend my time expressing my milk and watching other mommies BF their baby. To ease my situation, Bie went to OneUtama to buy me a Medela mini electric pump, complete with few bottles for storage and thermal bag. We had eyeing this brand since I was 4mos pregnant. So, he knows what to buy. So i don't need to express my milk in the BF room. We stayed about 5 days there, because Zaim was infected by jaundice.
When we returned home, I only managed to fully BF Zaim for 2months. Then I need to go back to work. This is when I start to partially gave Zaim FM because I cant provide enough stock for him. The most I can pump per day are only about 12-15oz with 3 sessions. But during the day, Zaim needs about 4oz every 1 and half hour, which equals to 32oz. It was a tough job I can say. With meetings, whole-days trainings, and workloads, attached with soon-to-go-live project and all. It really challenging for me. But I keep tried my best. At nite, I gave him fully BF.
Zaim was such a good baby. We hardly to hear his cry except when he was hungry. Alhamdulillah, I don't have such difficulties taking care of him as I heard some of my friends need to handle all-day-crying baby. But Allah tested me with other things, Zaim was easily sick. At least once a month he will be infected by flu, cough or fever. Yeah that's common when for nursery baby. ;( The worst, he was warded when he was 4 mos. I am really worried. We did took a very good care of him, until one day I was then infected too, and warded too. At this time, my body was sooooo weak, low blood pressure and all. Taking care of sick lil boy with me as well sick was a very tough job. Zaim refuse to BF me as he hardly breath during BF as his nose were blocked. And my milk slowly decrease. We had been warded for 2 weeks. It was a nightmare for me. Then when we both recovered, I have a problem to start BF him again. He's not satisfied with my milk, and I myself realized sometimes he gets nothing. I tried to pump but the most I can get is 2oz in 1 session. At this stage, Zaim needs 6oz every 1 hour. Yeah, too far for me to achieve that. I tried a few petua, lobak putih, ikan tenggiri, plain water and all. But it seems not working for me. Then when he reached 6 mos, I stopped BF Zaim. Yeah, that's my story. And to add, Zaim was warded 3 times within the 2 months gap. So imagine myself at time. Tired. Tense. Work. Sick. Depress.
Sometimes, I do offer him (just in case he might want it... ) but Zaim smile to me, and make his shy face. He did tried but then hide his face. Seems like he so shy - too big for BF ke I am not sure why he was acting like that. This is how I failed my mission to fully BF Zaim. I do feel sad, thinking bout this, thinking how I am so all-out to BF my lil boy, but I keep remind myself, all the tough time I had faced when we were at hospital, I am redha with this. Allah had gave me another reward, Zaim is such a healthy boy today. That's more meaningful to me.
So my message here, to those mommies who failed to BF, do not give up and feel down. We can try again next time - unless u only want 1 kid ;P And I think it is good to learn from those who success to fully BF. Share with them, they might help you. Go grab some reading materials. And to daddies, support your wifey. It is not easy to BF. They need you, your help and support. Help them feed your baby. I remember how pain was my back after BF Zaim straight 5 hours non-stop. And Bie, did put some balm to relief the pain. That's enough for woman to feel appreciated. ;) And lastly, don't forget - doa to Allah. InsyaAllah. - I HOPE I CAN BREASTFEED MY NEXT BABY -erkkkk bile ni Bie nak kasik Zaim adik???? hehehe
